There are certain truths you learn as a parent that nobody warns you about. One is that the school run will, eventually, involve negotiating with a seven year old about chicken wings. Another is that any new food outlet within sight of the M4 will become a destination within approximately eleven days, regardless of what you'd planned for tea.
Wingers, a family run fried chicken chain that started in Lichfield in 2020 and now has more than thirty branches, opened its first Swindon shop on Monday 12 October, in unit 2A at Lydiard Fields on Great Western Way, a site previously occupied by Greggs. It is run by Amran Sunner, his brother Dylan and their dad Bill, and operations manager Matt Smith said at the opening that everything is freshly made, including the buttermilk chicken, with none of it frozen, and that the new shop has taken on more than fifteen local staff.
The menu covers wings, tenders, wraps, burgers, salad bowls and kids meals, with spice levels ranging from a fairly alarming Sriracha down to something called Plain Jane, which I assume is for people who have been burned before, literally. There is also an app that knocks £5 off your order, which is the modern equivalent of a loyalty card, except you have to give it your email address and, in return, it gives you notifications.
Then there is the Beast Meal, a collaboration with Eddie Hall, the retired strongman best known for winning World's Strongest Man in 2017. It comes with a 17g protein chocolate cookie, two wings, a wrap, sauce and a drink, for £14.95, and I'll be honest, I did not expect to be comparing my children's diet to that of a man who has deadlifted a small car.
In theory, this sounds brilliant, a sensible nutritional nudge dressed up as a treat. In reality, our eldest now wants the Beast Meal purely on the grounds that it might make him stronger, and has started referring to his homework folder as 'heavy' in a way I find both concerning and, frankly, quite efficient as a negotiating tactic.
Brenda Pask, 72, of Old Town, who has lived there since before it was old, was unmoved by any of it. 'Strongman chicken,' she said, shaking her head slowly. 'Ron ate two boiled eggs and carried the coal in. He didn't need a cookie to tell him he was strong, he had a shed full of evidence.' She added that she had no intention of downloading an app for a discount she could get by simply not buying the thing in the first place.
Would I go back? Probably. Would I order the Beast Meal for myself, purely for research? Absolutely. The youngest, meanwhile, has requested the Plain Jane option, on the grounds that sauce 'gets on things', which is the single most accurate review anyone has given a chicken shop this year.