An application has gone in for Express Advertisement Consent and Listed Building Consent to install six digital advertising totems along the internal walkways of Swindon Designer Outlet. Five would be single sided, backs against walls or pillars, and one double sided unit would stand in the open, presumably so it can be seen from both the hoodie shop and the other hoodie shop.

The Listed Building Consent is required because the outlet, built on the old Great Western Railway works site, includes four listed buildings and sits inside a conservation area. The applicant says the totems are small format, won't be visible from outside, won't affect parking or retail space, and will be lit according to Institute of Lighting Professionals guidelines, so as not to outshine the Victorian brickwork with news of a 20 per cent discount on trainers.

The supporting statement describes the aim as delivering 'sustainable, relevant, and locally focused messaging', which is quite a lot of adjectives for something that will mostly tell you where the toilets are.

Brenda Pask, 72, of Old Town, who has lived there since before it was old, said she had always understood a listed building to be one you weren't allowed to put a satellite dish on, let alone a screen that changes its mind every eight seconds. 'Ron always said a notice board should have drawing pins in it, not a battery,' she said. 'If I want to know what's on, I'll look at the parish magazine, which doesn't need resetting when it rains.'

The application insists the totems will also carry non commercial content, such as centre information and seasonal events, which planners may take some comfort from, assuming the seasonal event in question isn't just another sale.

Gary Tench, Area Manager at Tench Paper Solutions in Westlea, said the plan had given him a new way of describing the laminated sign above the photocopier at work, which has read 'Out of Order, See Julie' for four years regardless of whether the photocopier is working. 'What they want is placemaking content,' he said. 'What I've got is a man called Dave walking past it every morning and still asking where Julie is.' He added that his band, The Tench Proposals, would be happy to provide locally focused messaging of their own, ideally during half time at the County Ground, for a fee to be discussed.

A decision is expected in due course. The listed buildings themselves, having survived two world wars, the closure of the railway works and several decades of retail rebranding, were unavailable for comment, on account of being buildings.